Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
