My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
