talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's shark week go big or go home
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
