Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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