not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
