____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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