How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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