Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
