Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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