You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
