MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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