Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
