I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
