i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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