So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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