will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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