honey bunches of taint.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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