Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
