Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
