hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
