omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
