puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
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It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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