If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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