she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
