Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
