its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
