god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's blow job season.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
