I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
