So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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