After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
