YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
