census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
