my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
