I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
