2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I party with great urgency now.
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