I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Boobs are out for the taking
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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