I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
