she woke up with a sticky ear
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
