do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
