Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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