woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
