I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
