thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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