Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
