Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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