just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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