theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
