Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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