Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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