Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
