the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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