awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
