What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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