Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
