I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
