at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
