we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You ruined the universe
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
