happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
