So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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