Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
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WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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